You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
