rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
