If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
