I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
