i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
