Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
