i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize