i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
