i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize