So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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