She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
