To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
