I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
