Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
