I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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