Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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