Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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