don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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