ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My ATM looks so different sober.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Couch. On fire.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize