we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
