By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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