I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
