instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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