why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
