I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
