Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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