everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
