i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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