You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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