I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
