I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
