If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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