Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
