can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
