weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
