Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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