i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
