the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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