Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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