I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
