Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
sex in a hospital.. check
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
