i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
