It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize