I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
