is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
