That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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