I think my vagina is haunted
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
