Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I deserve this hangover.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
