Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
