I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
