You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
