the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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