dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize