It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
