She is in my trunk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
