I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
