You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
