Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
