glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize