Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
