Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
