i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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