I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
