I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
