I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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