You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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