His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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