well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
