I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
