he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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