I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
