well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
